Nothing strikes the terror inside of me like the words "Comprehensive Exam." For the past two years of my life, a day rarely went by where I did not remember that those dreadful words in the back of my mind. The Wheaton Exegesis program has been very taxing at times, but today I received a letter in the mail stating that I have come through victorious. Yes, victory has shown its face today!! I have been bruised and battered, but I come through nonetheless. Yes, victory comes to those who remain standing in the end, and by the sheer grace of God, He has held me up and kept me standing.
I now await hopeful news from the rest of my comrades and hopefully all of them, I pray all of them, have made it through the battlefield as well. To all my friends I've met at Wheaton, although we'll most likely never see each other again, you have been my comrades, fighting alongside of me, and praying for me this whole time. We go through battles united, we have been part of the Wheaton Exegesis Program. Fight on comrades, there is a world in need of a message.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Crucial Choices
Our ability to make choices makes us distinctly human. And unfortunately, our uncanny tendency to make wicked choices makes us distinctly sinful human. So today, remembering that it's our choices that shape our character and lives I pray for a heart that would thirst earnestly for decisions informed by the voice of God. To be still and know that voice, the voice which is still echoing since the beginning of creation. To echo timeless words in a brief life.
There are choices to follow the example set in the garden setting the tone for our wayward nature, providing the paradigm for humanity to rebel and lash back against his Creator. There are paths to pave that only few care to seek, these are the paths which we must care to seek.
If we are bothered by God's voice, then our darkness is choking divine light. If we stand too lazy to pray, read, and contemplate, then we decide that God is not worthy of our time and energy. If we stay where we are, we will suffocate in our overwhelming sin. If we choose not to thirst for the voice of God through His Word, then we choose to live in separation and darkness. Everyday, we face important choices. Some days, days too frequent in number, I must force my sinful soul to stop and remember that I have done nothing to earn the right to live another day. Words of praise and tears of thanksgiving should flow, but instead only careless actions with little overarching awareness flow from my stunted mind. It is the voice of God that I need to allow to speak to my every choice. It is God who allows my cold stumbling soul to live another day and be redirected to the warming light of sanctification.
There are choices to follow the example set in the garden setting the tone for our wayward nature, providing the paradigm for humanity to rebel and lash back against his Creator. There are paths to pave that only few care to seek, these are the paths which we must care to seek.
If we are bothered by God's voice, then our darkness is choking divine light. If we stand too lazy to pray, read, and contemplate, then we decide that God is not worthy of our time and energy. If we stay where we are, we will suffocate in our overwhelming sin. If we choose not to thirst for the voice of God through His Word, then we choose to live in separation and darkness. Everyday, we face important choices. Some days, days too frequent in number, I must force my sinful soul to stop and remember that I have done nothing to earn the right to live another day. Words of praise and tears of thanksgiving should flow, but instead only careless actions with little overarching awareness flow from my stunted mind. It is the voice of God that I need to allow to speak to my every choice. It is God who allows my cold stumbling soul to live another day and be redirected to the warming light of sanctification.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thou Shalt Not Vomit Up Knowledge and Smear It On Walls
There is something that deserves my attention and warrants my contemplation. Below are the following quotes I find useful while going through some of the LCL, (Loeb Classical Library.) The topic at hand: Digesting what you learned, and not putting undigested food on display and showing your immaturity. I think it's necessary to bring myself back to these important truths. Truth need not be seen spewn 24/7 by a "know it all," but let your knowledge be evident as it oozes out in your life's actions. "Digest and learn," the Lord says to me, for it is the Lord who alone is wise, and it is the Lord who departs His grace and gives wisdom and allows humankind to catch glimpses of reality!
“You must linger among a limited number of master-thinkers, and digest their works, if you would derive ideas which shall win firm hold in your mind. Everywhere means nowhere…Food does no good and is not assimilated into the body if it leaves the stomach as soon as it is eaten; nothing hinders a cure so much as frequent change of medicine; no would will heal when one salve is tried after another; a plant which is often moved can never grow strong.” Seneca, Epistles 2.2-3
“Those who have learned the principles and nothing else are eager to throw them immediately, just as persons with a weak stomach throw up their food. First digest your principles, and then you will surely not throw them up this way. Otherwise they are mere vomit, foul stuff and unfit to eat. But after you have digested these principles, show use some change in your governing principle that is due to them; as the athletes show their shoulders as the results of their exercising and eating, and as those who have mastered the arts can show the results of their learning. The builder does not come forward and say, “Listen to me deliver a discourse about the art of building”; but he takes a contract for a house, builds it, and thereby proves that he possesses the art. Do something of the same sort yourself too…” Epictetus, Discourses 3.21.1-5
“On no occasion call your self a philosopher, and do not, for the most part, talk among laymen about your philosophic principles, but do what follows from your principles. For example, at a banquet do not say how people ought to eat, but eat as a man ought…And if talk about some philosophic principle arises among laymen, keep silence for the most part, for there is great danger that you will spew up immediately what you have not digested…For sheep, too, do not bring their fodder to the shepherds and show how much they have eaten, but they digest their food within them, and on the outside produce wool and milk. And so do you, therefore, make no display to the laymen of your philosophical principles, but let them see the results which come from these principles when digested.” Epictetus, The Encheiridion 46
“You must linger among a limited number of master-thinkers, and digest their works, if you would derive ideas which shall win firm hold in your mind. Everywhere means nowhere…Food does no good and is not assimilated into the body if it leaves the stomach as soon as it is eaten; nothing hinders a cure so much as frequent change of medicine; no would will heal when one salve is tried after another; a plant which is often moved can never grow strong.” Seneca, Epistles 2.2-3
“Those who have learned the principles and nothing else are eager to throw them immediately, just as persons with a weak stomach throw up their food. First digest your principles, and then you will surely not throw them up this way. Otherwise they are mere vomit, foul stuff and unfit to eat. But after you have digested these principles, show use some change in your governing principle that is due to them; as the athletes show their shoulders as the results of their exercising and eating, and as those who have mastered the arts can show the results of their learning. The builder does not come forward and say, “Listen to me deliver a discourse about the art of building”; but he takes a contract for a house, builds it, and thereby proves that he possesses the art. Do something of the same sort yourself too…” Epictetus, Discourses 3.21.1-5
“On no occasion call your self a philosopher, and do not, for the most part, talk among laymen about your philosophic principles, but do what follows from your principles. For example, at a banquet do not say how people ought to eat, but eat as a man ought…And if talk about some philosophic principle arises among laymen, keep silence for the most part, for there is great danger that you will spew up immediately what you have not digested…For sheep, too, do not bring their fodder to the shepherds and show how much they have eaten, but they digest their food within them, and on the outside produce wool and milk. And so do you, therefore, make no display to the laymen of your philosophical principles, but let them see the results which come from these principles when digested.” Epictetus, The Encheiridion 46
Monday, April 16, 2007
Last Monday That Matters
This Monday is the last Monday before the competency exam. I told the Mrs. yesterday how my body and especially my legs had been super sore for the past several days. I told her I didn't know what it was from, because I hadn't run for the past 4-5 days, and prior to that I was hitting around 35-45 weekly mileage running. So, not knowing what was going on with my body, because usually my legs feel quite fresh after taking consecutive days off running, she told me she thought it was stress from thinking about the compentency exam so much. Whatever the deal is with my body, I would like to see it end, cause it actually kind of hurts, quite ridiculously in fact. Only a few days left that matter, and we'll if I fail miserably again at life and fall flat on my face. I'm such a privilaged person, living in America in our day in age, and yet I still wish to be a big baby and consider these past couple years of my life to be a brutal beating emotionally, mentally, pyschologically, and physically. However things turn out, I think this experience proves I'm a weakling.
Too early to think of anything brilliant to put on here, so I'll leave you with something I was contemplating a couple of days ago. A lesson I obviously I have not yet learned. A man was told to fill up his vessel with water. As soon as he finished doing it he was told to look into the basin and report what he saw. He explained that he saw nothing. Then he was instructed to wait until the water ceased to move and look again. Looking again into the basin, this time into the undisturbed water, he reported that he saw his own face distinctly.
Too early to think of anything brilliant to put on here, so I'll leave you with something I was contemplating a couple of days ago. A lesson I obviously I have not yet learned. A man was told to fill up his vessel with water. As soon as he finished doing it he was told to look into the basin and report what he saw. He explained that he saw nothing. Then he was instructed to wait until the water ceased to move and look again. Looking again into the basin, this time into the undisturbed water, he reported that he saw his own face distinctly.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
We Prayed for a Different God
12/31/06: When we are honest (yesterday's prayer was written on 12/31/06 as well.)
We hide the truth that dwells in our hearts,
The truth, if exposed, would reveal that we are extremely discontent with You and Your ways,
We are suffering and in pain, but You do not change the situation,
We are frustrated and angry because You aren’t as we had hoped,
We pray for a different god,
We pray for a god who would change our circumstances,
But You, Your Suffering Servant Son and the grieving Holy Spirit will not change our situations,
We pray for a god who won’t allow the continued hurt,
We pray for a god who will take away our pain,
But You are not in that business,
You allow the pain, the hurt, the suffering,
You allow it all to stay day after day after day,
This all compounded only leads to further frustration and anger,
You, Your Suffering Servant Son and the grieving Holy Spirit will not change our situations, and we are supposed to praise you for this suffering?!?!
We have a severe problem in our hearts,
We try to hide the ugly truth of the numerous things we hold against You,
But the problem is that You are the master of uncovering all hearts,
Nothing stands masked, everything is in Your presence,
We secretly wish for a different god, a god who is “nicer” to us,
All we feel is the pain of the fallen state,
The pain we inflict upon ourselves, and the pain others inflict upon us,
It is hard to like You, but easy to hate You,
Truth be told, we wish we could trade You for a different god,
How is that for truthfulness, how is that for honesty, how is that for being right from the heart?
We do not like what You do, and we do not like how You do it,
Somehow we are to praise You and all Your ways, yet we have trouble doing anything but the complete opposite,
We are too weak in our sinful condition to do anything but hate You, but we hope by Your grace that You will enable these dark hearts to pray,
We can only pray for Your help in repentance and Your help to enable us to praise,
In this rage, eyes of faith have long ago been forgotten,
We can only pray with weak and feeble voices, mouths that open, but cannot even make a sound,
We ask for our transformation when the Holy Spirit finally breaks through to our heart,
We ask for our transformation because we know You often times will not change our situation,
We ask this in the name of Jesus who knows how hard it is to cope with life and still live a life of sacrifice and praise.
We hide the truth that dwells in our hearts,
The truth, if exposed, would reveal that we are extremely discontent with You and Your ways,
We are suffering and in pain, but You do not change the situation,
We are frustrated and angry because You aren’t as we had hoped,
We pray for a different god,
We pray for a god who would change our circumstances,
But You, Your Suffering Servant Son and the grieving Holy Spirit will not change our situations,
We pray for a god who won’t allow the continued hurt,
We pray for a god who will take away our pain,
But You are not in that business,
You allow the pain, the hurt, the suffering,
You allow it all to stay day after day after day,
This all compounded only leads to further frustration and anger,
You, Your Suffering Servant Son and the grieving Holy Spirit will not change our situations, and we are supposed to praise you for this suffering?!?!
We have a severe problem in our hearts,
We try to hide the ugly truth of the numerous things we hold against You,
But the problem is that You are the master of uncovering all hearts,
Nothing stands masked, everything is in Your presence,
We secretly wish for a different god, a god who is “nicer” to us,
All we feel is the pain of the fallen state,
The pain we inflict upon ourselves, and the pain others inflict upon us,
It is hard to like You, but easy to hate You,
Truth be told, we wish we could trade You for a different god,
How is that for truthfulness, how is that for honesty, how is that for being right from the heart?
We do not like what You do, and we do not like how You do it,
Somehow we are to praise You and all Your ways, yet we have trouble doing anything but the complete opposite,
We are too weak in our sinful condition to do anything but hate You, but we hope by Your grace that You will enable these dark hearts to pray,
We can only pray for Your help in repentance and Your help to enable us to praise,
In this rage, eyes of faith have long ago been forgotten,
We can only pray with weak and feeble voices, mouths that open, but cannot even make a sound,
We ask for our transformation when the Holy Spirit finally breaks through to our heart,
We ask for our transformation because we know You often times will not change our situation,
We ask this in the name of Jesus who knows how hard it is to cope with life and still live a life of sacrifice and praise.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Still You are Here
Despite the fact that we are an evil people, You are still here.
Despite the fact that we try to make you a different God, You are still here.
Despite the fact that we will have nothing to do with You, You are still here.
Despite our hurtful thoughts that dwell deep within, despite the hurtful actions that are clearly seen by You, You are still here.
Although we fantasize that You would be different, You are still here.
Although we do not bid You the time of day, You are still here.
Although we blow You off, You are still here.
Despite our not so secret desires to change You into a God that suits our fancies, You are still here.
Despite countless days of rebellion, You are still here.
Despite all that we are, You are still here.
Although we repeatedly cast You out from our hearts, You are still here.
Although we have caused you endless pain, You are still here.
Although, although, although, despite, despite, despite, You are still here.
All of this, our entire lives, only proves how much more You are a God above us.
You are a God of holiness, and yet You are still here.
For some reason, You have decided to still be here.
Despite the fact that we try to make you a different God, You are still here.
Despite the fact that we will have nothing to do with You, You are still here.
Despite our hurtful thoughts that dwell deep within, despite the hurtful actions that are clearly seen by You, You are still here.
Although we fantasize that You would be different, You are still here.
Although we do not bid You the time of day, You are still here.
Although we blow You off, You are still here.
Despite our not so secret desires to change You into a God that suits our fancies, You are still here.
Despite countless days of rebellion, You are still here.
Despite all that we are, You are still here.
Although we repeatedly cast You out from our hearts, You are still here.
Although we have caused you endless pain, You are still here.
Although, although, although, despite, despite, despite, You are still here.
All of this, our entire lives, only proves how much more You are a God above us.
You are a God of holiness, and yet You are still here.
For some reason, You have decided to still be here.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
RFP
There is a thing that runners call "RFP" when competing in ultramarathons. I think that the physical and mental demands of running long spills over into the rest of life which can be used quite easily. RFP is relentless forward progress and I think it is something which I can remember as I move through these last difficult weeks of graduate school. As long as you're moving forward, you're successful no matter how you're looking.
Life is about training the body and the mind.
Life is about training the body and the mind.
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